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[handycapable]

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Comments

[demonicmiracle]

Pretty confident it was space pirates
He's quite drunk

[As if that explains it.]

[handycapable]

Well I dunno what else he's told you, but since it's probably safe enough to just assume "everything" there WERE pirates, as in, yknow, real pirates, and there WERE space MUTINEERS, but I guess I could see how he might get those things confused.
Pretty sure he's got some kinda brain damage?

Also he crashed the ship and I was paralyzed for over a year thanks to him, but I BET he didn't tell you that part.

[demonicmiracle]

[There's so much there.]

The brain damage thing doesn't much come as a surprise.

He failed to mention that, yeah. Kinda neat you've been to space, though.

[handycapable]

Yeah it actually was sorta neat.
In a would-never-wanna-repeat-the-experience kinda way, but still.

So... you know Archer.

[demonicmiracle]

Unfortunately
We met during that business on Halloween, he's a bloody idiot

[Wait.]

Does this mean you're also a secret agent?

[handycapable]

[ Note to self: shoot Archer in the face. ]








Um... no.
That's what he told you? That we're secret agents?

[demonicmiracle]

[Wow he doesn't buy that response at all.]

That he's the best secret agent, specifically
I did point out that telling strangers about it probably means he isn't very good

[handycapable]

Right??
I'd be a way better secret agent than him. I mean how hard is it not to run your mouth to every single Goddamn person you meet?
Then again, I'm not the one with a drinking problem.

[demonicmiracle]

I don't even think he was drunk that time
You'd be a much better secret agent
Hypothetically ;)

[handycapable]

Thanks, I like to think so. It was always one of my fallback careers. When I was a kid I used to fancy myself a regular David Niven.

So you two are...

[ Hanging out? Friends, even???? ]

He isn't talking about me is he?

[demonicmiracle]

Cute.

[It is kind of cute.]

Nah, he's having a whine about how he's got no money for a cab. He'd just thought you'd back up his nonsense about space pirates

Don't worry, I'll not believe anything he says about you

[handycapable]

Oh Lord. Well, don't give him any, otherwise he'll never learn. I swear Archer genuinely thinks the universe revolves around him most of the time.

And good, because he is not a reliable judge of events or character, as you've probably learned yourself by now...

What did he do on Halloween?

[demonicmiracle]

[There's a slight delay before any future response, because Crowley is busy being startled by Archer into dropping his watch. It's a whole thing.]

He's not getting a damn cent out of me, I'll promise you that

Threatened to shoot me with a BB gun, refused to believe a bunch of dead children were trying to kill us, broke into someone's house. About the usual for him, I suspect?

[handycapable]

Yep, that all sounds like Archer all right. I dunno what he's got so against making decent first impressions, but at least y'all know now what to expect... if he were more charming that shit would be way harder to warn for.

[ The weird thing is that Ray only kind of remembers October, anything before December 1st is more dream than reality to him -- in a very Wizard of Oz, 'you were there, and you were there, and YOU were there' kind of way -- but he remembers enough to follow along with what Crowley's saying without confusion. ]

Did he break into yours?

[demonicmiracle]

Could be that he's just an arsehole, it's often hard for them to make good first impressions

[Well. Sometimes. There's also people like Lucifer, who made wonderful first impressions.]

Nah, don't reckon I'd still be hanging out with him if he'd done that. Have to draw a line somewhere, you know?

[handycapable]

Oh, he is. Believe me. Very, very much the biggest asshole I have ever met in my life.

[ Case in point, it's a good thing he's not saying that with Archer (or, God forbid, Archer's mother) around, or else he can just imagine the obnoxious gay jokes. ]

Good luck with that. He's not exactly easy to get rid of.

[demonicmiracle]

Afraid he's about a 3 on the scale in my life. I know a lot of arseholes.

[When Gabriel exists, Archer's really mild in comparison.]

Would you be cross if I killed him? Can't imagine it'd be difficult, and desperate times, you know.

[handycapable]

You've known him for like 5 minutes. Give it time, you'll see.

[ Though admittedly it will probably never be as bad to someone who hasn't been stuck knowing and working with Archer for over a decade... good Lord, that's depressing. ]

Eh. Do what you gotta do.

[ Easy enough, although Ray also assumes Crowley is maybe joking. ]

But I mean... try not to?

[demonicmiracle]

The bar is real high. I'll introduce you to my boss if he ever shows up.

[HAHAHAHAHA

He briefly wants to puke with that thought, which is a new and very human experience. If any of his bosses turn up here he's going to run away to live in the creepy forest.]

I'll make no promises, but he's safe for now, I suppose. He's sort of amusing.

[handycapable]

God, don't even joke about that. MY boss is Archer's MOTHER, which probably tells you all you need to know about the hostile work environment that is my entire life.

[ At this point he puts up with it pretty easily, it's old hat for the most part, but if it was any easier for a spy who's been with one dysfunctional agency for this long to get another job elsewhere... ]

Give me a head's up at least. Loathe as I am to admit it, I'm kinda glad to know SOMEONE around here...
I mean, beggars can't be choosers I guess.

[demonicmiracle]

Talk about nepotism. That does explain why he reckons he's the best secret agent, if his mum's been around handling shit for him.

[Not to make assumptions, but he knows what men are like.]

I'll let you know if it gets dire, if only 'cause I'll need an alibi
Least you don't have to feel bad about him being stuck here

[Since he deserves it, really.]

[handycapable]

Weirdly enough he's not the WORST, either, but mostly thanks to dumb luck more than anything. Don't know how he does it, honestly...

Just don't make me an accessory or anything.

[demonicmiracle]

Have to imagine how damned stubborn he is counts for something

You're no fun :(

[handycapable]

Bitch I'm tons of fun, don't even.
Where are you getting all this cab money from anyway? Did you get a job already?

[demonicmiracle]

Of course I got a job already, I wasn't about to live off jello mold hand outs.

Have you not got one?