IC CONTACT.

[handycapable]

VOICE TEXT MAIL ACTION

© TESSISAMESS

Comments

[handycapable]

You've known him for like 5 minutes. Give it time, you'll see.

[ Though admittedly it will probably never be as bad to someone who hasn't been stuck knowing and working with Archer for over a decade... good Lord, that's depressing. ]

Eh. Do what you gotta do.

[ Easy enough, although Ray also assumes Crowley is maybe joking. ]

But I mean... try not to?

[demonicmiracle]

The bar is real high. I'll introduce you to my boss if he ever shows up.

[HAHAHAHAHA

He briefly wants to puke with that thought, which is a new and very human experience. If any of his bosses turn up here he's going to run away to live in the creepy forest.]

I'll make no promises, but he's safe for now, I suppose. He's sort of amusing.

[handycapable]

God, don't even joke about that. MY boss is Archer's MOTHER, which probably tells you all you need to know about the hostile work environment that is my entire life.

[ At this point he puts up with it pretty easily, it's old hat for the most part, but if it was any easier for a spy who's been with one dysfunctional agency for this long to get another job elsewhere... ]

Give me a head's up at least. Loathe as I am to admit it, I'm kinda glad to know SOMEONE around here...
I mean, beggars can't be choosers I guess.

[demonicmiracle]

Talk about nepotism. That does explain why he reckons he's the best secret agent, if his mum's been around handling shit for him.

[Not to make assumptions, but he knows what men are like.]

I'll let you know if it gets dire, if only 'cause I'll need an alibi
Least you don't have to feel bad about him being stuck here

[Since he deserves it, really.]

[handycapable]

Weirdly enough he's not the WORST, either, but mostly thanks to dumb luck more than anything. Don't know how he does it, honestly...

Just don't make me an accessory or anything.

[demonicmiracle]

Have to imagine how damned stubborn he is counts for something

You're no fun :(

[handycapable]

Bitch I'm tons of fun, don't even.
Where are you getting all this cab money from anyway? Did you get a job already?

[demonicmiracle]

Of course I got a job already, I wasn't about to live off jello mold hand outs.

Have you not got one?

[handycapable]

Um. No. I've just been frying up eggs.
What's the job? And does it pay good?

[demonicmiracle]

Aren't you a perfect housewife
Some project management bullshit for a construction company in town, pays well enough when we've no mortgage or the like

[handycapable]

SOMEONE'S gotta be, since apparently my new wife is just this tiny feral little tomboy.
Honestly it's unbelievable!

I guess I oughta take a look at the classifieds then. Maybe I can find something in an office job.

[demonicmiracle]

Good for her, she's got the right idea
I've had to figure out all the cooking business, too, my husband's useless at it

[Aziraphale is doing his best.]

It's easy as anything to get one, all I had to do was ask. Didn't even want a resume or any of that.

[handycapable]

Yeah, easy for you to say when you don't gotta live with it. You've got a husband!
But I'm used to it. I've been doing all my own cooking for years.

[ Mostly cooking for one but still... ]

How'd you even find it? Walk-in?

[demonicmiracle]

I dunno, would you take a dandy who's never done a day of housework in his life over a feral tomboy?

[Crowley briefly considers asking if Ray would share some cooking tips, but the mortifying ordeal of asking for help is too mortifying.]

Yup. It's sort of what I used to do back home and a sight better than my last job. Or working retail.

[handycapable]

In either case I'm still the one that has to DO all the damn housework, so... meh.

Well, my old job's definitely out. That and anything that requires two arms and legs that actually work. Guess that'll probably narrows things down a little.

[demonicmiracle]

Easier living alone, honestly

Your old job that certainly wasn't being a secret agent, right? [He's a shit.] The town's big enough that there ought to be some decent office jobs about.

[handycapable]

Oh to be a bachelor living among all these rugged but forlorn suburban single fathers... I mean there's gotta be at least a couple, right?

A call center maybe. Or I could just take up the cloth again.

[demonicmiracle]

None that I've met so far, but I'll keep an eye out for you, shall I?

You were a priest?

[BAD]

[handycapable]

Would you mind?

And it WAS a pretty long time ago, and I'll be honest, it did not end well for me. Still, it's an option.

[demonicmiracle]

Sure, it's not as if I've much use for them.

[Humans, ugh.]

Figured it didn't, what with the gay thing. Might want to leave it as a last resort, can you imagine having to deal with the locals that much?

[Don't be a priest, Ray :( ]

[handycapable]

I doubt it could be any worse than dealing with the locals from down my hometown. Believe me, this place ain't got nothing on the Bible belt.

Still though. Not ideal.
Doesn't even pay that good, if I'm being honest.

[demonicmiracle]

I know enough about the Bible belt to take your word for that

I can't imagine it would, or more people would do it

Could see if my new boss would let me hire a secretary, wouldn't that be fun

[He's joking]

[handycapable]

Thanks but I think I'll take my chances on the unemployment line.
Or I dunno, maybe even the department store. I could be the guy who sprays men's cologne or something, how hard could that be?

[demonicmiracle]

Well, you've got a better fashion sense than most of the town, so there's that going for you if you wanted to work there.

[handycapable]

Awwww, stop.
Really?
No, stop, you're just saying that.