handycapable | IC CONTACT.

[Rather than call Ray in to where he is, Crowley goes to meet him in the hall, offering out a glass of a decent Californian red. He's not big on American wines, in general, but needs must.

He looks — exactly how he always does, if a bit anxious. He'd put his sunglasses on, then felt stupid about it and taken them off, leaving them tossed idly on the sofa.]

Erm — hi. [This is stupid. He hates how awkward he feels, how uncertain.] You'll laugh, you know. That bloody lamp you got us was more on the nose than you realise.

[He tries to diffuse it with a joke, with a wry grin that falls just a little flat.]

[ Ray, on the other hand, almost wishes he had moonshine on hand for this moment -- or something similarly strong -- but he does like red wine, so he accepts it gratefully (with his right hand) and empties about half his glass in one swig.

He just looks at Crowley with a curious sort of solemnity, not yet sure how serious the moment should be. ]

Uh-- [ With a slightly nervous laugh. ] How d'you mean?

[The trick to nerves is not to acknowledge them, that's how he should be playing this. Crowley doesn't have his own glass, it's waiting in the living room, which means he can easily take a step back into a sweeping bow, over the top and dramatic.]

Anthony Crowley, the Serpent of Eden, at your service.

[The smile is sharper this time, more genuine and a tiny bit dangerous, because he needs to sell it, that he's cool and unaffected by all this. That he isn't worried he's lost the first proper friend he's made since Leonardo.]

[ First one of Ray's eyebrows raises, then the other, his expression becoming progressively more caught between confused and stunned as the words process. He gestures with a finger as if about to speak, then changes his mind for the moment, just standing there in slightly cock-headed silence.

He isn't sure what to say or do for a moment, finally rubbing at the side of his head a bit idly. ]

The... but you're not...

[ He looks Crowley over a little helplessly, then looks around the room, trying to make sense of it all. God, has this really been Hell the entire time?? He knew it... ]

But this isn't...? [ Then, quietly and nervously, in that fearfully reverent way of child asking if they're going to Hell: ] Is it?

[Somehow, it didn't occur to him that someone might leap to that conclusion, based on learning what he is, but he's not always the best at thinking ahead.

He doesn't let it rattle him too much, just shakes his head.]

Nah, Hell is far worse than this. They dragged me here as much as they did you, made me human on top of it. Now they've at least given me back — well — these.

[It's a careful thing, the appearance of his wings; he keeps them folded in tight against his back, to avoid knocking anything off the walls.]

Well, y'can see why I would-- Jesus!

[ Ray leaps back like a startled cat when Crowley's wings unfold, although they don't sproing out to some enormous size like for a second Ray expected they would. He puts his hand over his heart, exhaling slowly. Any remaining doubts he may still have had based on Crowley's words alone are certainly gone now, but: ]

Wait, if you're the snake, then why do you have wings?

[His own hands go up in a placating gesture, somewhere between calm down and I won't hurt you, and he waits until Ray is settled before moving again.]

'Cause I was an angel first. Kept the wings when I fell, didn't I?

[Read the Book of Enoch, Ray, damn.]

I...

[ He squints a little, processing that now -- somehow the details are easier to take in piece by piece, though, than the whole grand reveal itself -- as he takes another quick, desperate gulp of wine. ]

Is that how it happened? [ There's so many versions, Crowley! ] You were really an angel?

[Crowley watches him drink a little too much of that wine, and then shrugs away his wings, tucking them back into the ether.]

Really truly. All fluffy white wings and halos.

[A bit mocking, there and that's all he's saying on that for now.]

Come sit down, you can top up your wine.

[He's going, regardless of whether Ray follows, into the living room where he picks up his own glass and drops into what is, unofficially, Aziraphale's armchair.]

Wow, what that must have been like...

[ It's almost offhanded to himself, a little dreamy, as Ray follows Crowley to the other room. He doesn't actually need an answer, he's just trying to imagine heaven a little, like, the fact that it's really...?

God, he needs to sit down. Ray refills his glass and sits down on the couch, slumping down like someone who's just been given life-changing news. ]

So um, what all have you been up to since Eden? You never really read much about that in the Bible...

[The first comment isn't being addressed, but Crowley is — actually kind of surprised by the question. The few times he's revealed himself to someone, their instinct is generally to ask the big things. About God, the world, whether or not they're going to Hell.

Not many people ask about him.]

Same as I was doing in Eden, tempting humanity. I'm Hell's representative on Earth, essentially. Used to be a bit more personal, in the early days, but you lot practically do my job for me now. I've had commendations for wars I didn't even know were happening.

[ Here's the thing: Ray isn't necessarily selfless or caring enough to have thought of it in those terms, not really, but he's also not an idiot. He knows Crowley wouldn't be able to answer any "bigger" questions he might have, and even if he could, they're probably not answers that will mean anything to Ray. None of them even know if they come from the same worlds... timelines? anymore, it seems unnecessary to bother with the existentialism.

Plus he's still a bit shell-shocked, honestly. ]

So like the devil, basically. [ A beat. ] Or at least what everybody always thinks the devil's job here on Earth is. Do I have that right?

[There's nothing Crowley appreciates more than someone who's quick off the mark.]

Got it in one. Lucifer isn't much interested in popping up to Earth, so he outsources. [Mostly to Crowley, but other demons come up sometimes for temptations.] It's work, you know? Someone's got to do it, might as well get the perks of not being stuck in Hell for the rest of eternity. The music's a lot better up here, and nothing beats warm sun on your scales.

[Your experiences are not universal.]

[ See, there's some pros to him being an ex-preacher... like, still mostly cons, but. You know. ]

Sure, why not. [ He smirks a little, amused. ] But I bet the Catholics wouldn't be too happy to know that Hell uses the same "saints" model they like to imagine God does. Idiots.

[ Literally the dumbest thing to be smug about, but Ray will be smug about it anyway. Suck it, Catholicism. ]

Though I'm still not sure if this explains why you get a husband. I mean, that's just not fair.

Are the Catholics ever happy about anything?

[Rhetorical question, they both know the answer to that, and it's easy to match Ray's amusement. Suck it, Catholicism, indeed.

It's also easier to answer his question, now that he's not being secretive about what he is, since that uncomplicates a few of the discussions around gender.]

Likely had something to do with the fact I was presenting as a woman, before I got here. It was Miss Ashtoreth back home, at least in the past year or so. Demons don't really bother with all that gender and sex business.

[Both meanings of the word sex, honestly.]

Edited 2021-02-02 23:03 (UTC)

[ Like, not that Evangelical Protestantism is better than Catholicism, but...

Ray's brows furrow minutely, but he nods as if he understands, even before he's processed the explanation enough to actually respond to it. The principle is straightforward enough, anyway. ]

So you're literally just like... a snake. [ Eyebrows raising for confirmation. ] Did you even get to choose what you looked like, or is this...

[ He gestures in a sweeping yet vague way to indicate Crowley's body. ]

How's it work?

[Perhaps a question that could be considered a little personal, but at least Ray isn't like, asking about his genitals, so he'll take it as a win.]

S'like... a suit, I suppose. [A meat suit! Which is a horrible analogy, and yet the best one he can come up with on the fly.] I can make tweaks, could even take it off, and this isn't the only one I've had.

[Same version, though, just remade on the handful of occasions he's been discorporated.]

But it's handed out by Hell. S'hard to explain what I look like without it, not that mortals are much able to comprehend it, anyway. No offense.

[ Okay, that does get a grimace, but Ray supposes that's fair enough; there is enough in the Bible about angels and demons taking human form that he feels no need to question it much further.

Still, the fact he's able to ask questions at all is a sign he's taking the news... well, at least? Or maybe he's just processing it all one piece at a time. Either way. Weird shit happens: that much, Ray knows. ]

Oh it's fine, don't worry about it. [ Nose wrinkled mildly as he waves his hand. ] Nothin' I need to see, anyway.

[ Or want to, probably. Mild internal shudder. ]

It's just all so... [ He gestures vaguely, shaking his head. ] I've never met a demon before? I mean y'know, like, not a real one.

[He'd certainly worry about any human that wanted to see a demon's true form. Angels, sure, there's a lot in art and literature about angels being beautiful and terrible, awe-inspiring, as it were. But demons are meant to be scary and ugly, nothing exciting about it.]

Save that for my husband, hm?

[It's said as a joke, like it's his virginity or something. He figures Aziraphale can see him, anyway. Benefit of having all those eyes.]

You're not the first human I've told, s'alright, I get it. Takes a bit to wrap your head around it. And I don't mind answering questions, half the reason I got kicked out in the first place.

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